Intimacy

         Something which is universally valued is human connection, intimacy, and touch. Recently I went to a free workshop on this topic, and I learned an amazing amount from my experience. One of the key distinctions which was made in the workshop was between intimacy and sexuality. While sexuality was honored in the workshop, it was clearly stated that it was "not on the menu". 

      

  In today's modern culture there is often an overemphasis on sexuality in the media, and in "pop culture". Where once it was a private affair when people lived in smaller towns, now it is all over the movies and internet/media advertisements; sex sells. 

   

     Ironically, we also live in a culture which is almost phobic of nudity, excluding the "rock music" scene, which goes to the opposite extreme. Public nudity is punishable by law, and we keep our bodies as covered as we can most of the time. Businessmen wear suits covering just about everything except their hands, head, and neck. While there are exceptions, most people feel uncomfortable being anywhere close to naked, especially around the opposite gender. 

  

       So why is it important to bring this up and talk about it? Because sexuality and intimacy have been squashed together in the public media, where it is almost impossible to find intimacy without sexuality right nearby. And what starts in the public media easily filters down into mainstream culture. An easy way to verify this is by asking yourself; has there ever been a time you would have liked to touch someone, and didn't because they might have thought you were trying to be sexual? My experiences of this have been numerous. And at this time I make a point of bringing it up in ambiguous situations, and making sure if I touch someone it is a "safe" touch, rather than being in the gray area of "is this sexual?"

     Having said all this, I would also like to bring up just how important touch is in human culture, and how much long-term benefit we can have by bringing it back into our lives. There are numerous studies showing that regular touch during adolescence increases overall health and well being; meaning children not only stay healthier, but they also feel better during their everyday lives. This holds true for any age, and there is a mountain of research supporting this, including http://www.touchresearch.com/, http://www6.miami.edu/touch-research/News.html, and http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/hands_on_research, to name a few I was able to pull up from Google. I may do a separate post for the Berkeley study later, because their message is profound;

 "after years spent immersed in the science of touch, I can tell you that [our hands] are far more profound than we usually realize: They are our primary language of compassion, and a primary means for spreading compassion."

        Finally, I would like to describe one of the exercises we did at the intimacy workshop, because it is one which anyone can do if they have a friend or family member who is open to participating. All this involves is giving someone a hug! But this is a little different than the average hug for some people. For this exercise, you take turns hugging the other person, and whoever is the first "hugger", you get to fully relax into the other person's arms, body to body, and stay like this for at least 30 to 45 seconds. Just breathe, feel how you feel, and relax. This on its own may bring up a lot of feelings. I recommend sharing what came up for you afterwards, and then switching so the other person gets a chance to hug you in return!